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Star Salzman's CrapJournal

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08/18/04 15:30:03 - keekeee cat

Comments: 1

08/13/04 02:38:51 - LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!

So, there was this guy, and his name was alice. HAHAHAHA because that's a girl's name. Anyway, alice went to the store to buy some bread and suddenly he was cornered by ralph maccio. ralph was like, hey alice, what the heck?!!?!? and alice was like WTF?!?!?! so they fought in the street. Anyway, it just so happens that alice was actually a kung fu master from the shaolin temple in arizona. So ralph maccio got owned and then he was being like omg im so pathetic when suddenly elizabeth shoe showed up and saved everyone from disaster by wearing lots and lots of denim. Everyone was like, totally staring at her chest. So then this guy shows up and he's like hey dude, you forgot your bread, but alice was so distracted by the elizabeth shoe denim ensemble that he didnt notice. So the guy gets like really pissed and throws the bread on the ground and stomps it. at that moment alice realizes he really wants a sandwich and he starts like getting all pissed because this dude just stomped his bread. So he has like, the best idea ever and is like, hahaha omg lol time for a knuckle sandwich!!!! because of the bread!!!

OH MAN! it was hysterical.

So then when everyone got finished laughing, elizabeth shoe had left and so everyone was like, pissed. So, then alice comes up to ME and is like hey star, what the heck, did you see where that dude who mooshed my bread went. And I was like HAHAHAHAHAHAHA your name is alice and youre a guy. and he was like dude thats not funny man, and I was like bahaha yes it is, because i smooshed your bread too, bahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So alice gets like so mad that he cant control himself and like this crazy music starts playing and suddenly alice pulls out this monster guitar with laser beams on the top and he plays a Gm7 chord and im like holy crap because the sound waves are covered in spikes. So i dodge right and i'm like totally screwed because i couldnt find a musicial instrument anywhere.

So as im dodging all these stupidly trite rock chords, (he's doing boring ol I-V-I progressions, its so annoying), Yo Yo ma shows up out of nowhere and joins alice and starts playing the fundamental and its like WHAT THE FUCK YO YO, i thought we were cool! and he's like keeekekekekekekekekekeekekee!!!!!!!! because he's asian and thats how asians laugh.

So now the stupid resonance of the yo yo ma cello is amplifying these chords to ridiculously dangerous proportions, and I'm still without an instrument. BUT BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, STING shows up and starts jamming out too and I'm like wtf is this, weird named musician covention?! and nobody laughs and that REALLY pissed me off.

So here I am, with sting, alice cooper, and yo yo ma all trying to kill me just because i made fun of alice and smooshed his bread. So I whip out my cellphone and call the police.
So the police show up and theyre like hey sting ever since you left us you suck. And sting's self esteem is all crushed so he apologizes to me and starts jamming out with the police and im like YES!!!! and suddenly alice stops playing, and yo yo too, and we all are like listening to sting jam with his old band and like, the weirdest thing happens. Yo yo ma like, sheds a tear, and picks up his cello and starts playing with the police! And it's awesome! it sounds great and its super cool.

So then alice sheds a tear, and im like BAHAHAHA ALICE IS A GIRL NAME so CRY LIKE A GIRL HAAAAHAHAHA and everyone starts laughing and alice runs away crying.

Oh man, it was SO cool.

Anyway, after they jammed we all went out and got milkshakes. I talked with the drummer from the police for like, 3 hours about waffles. Then sting drops me off at my house, and is like dude, thanks for everything.

And I was like, hey sting, I just farted.

and it stunk REALLY bad.
Comments: 3

08/09/04 20:27:48 - Life or something liek it LOL!!!!!

So anyway, lots happened but im too tired to talk about it.
Mostly, I found a large thing of chocolate fudge and Rusty's wedding. Also, Rusty got married and I was his best man.

So I said something really stupid to a friend of mine. She wasnt offended and didnt stop talking to me. She's cool or something.

We hung out and stuff and it was super awesome and we watched lots of cool stuff and then we played battlefield and it was awesome because she was good at it. Fear. Anyway, that's neither here nor there.

The point is, werd.
Comments: 2

07/18/04 21:02:38 - I am a Zombie Donkey Butt

According to this chick:

click me!!!!!
Comments: 3

07/08/04 06:37:44 - TV Themes

Click here

Hours of fun.
Comments: 2

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