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Star Salzman's CrapJournal


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07/06/04 23:11:24 - Help me Alan!



What do normal people do all day?

It's hard to make friends with people when like, I cant think of anything fun to do with said people. It's not that the people arent fun, it's that I'm so used to having EVERYTHING be fun that I just do the easiest thing: I hang out in the apartment, watch movies, tv, play video games, listen to music, etc.

I go to the store too, and other places, but like, I never spend money on entertainment. What I really need is a bunch of ideas for zero-money entertainment in Austin. I mean, the only other thing i can think of is the park. That's fun, but everyone's already been a million times.

There must be something else that people do that I don't know about, because I used to have a million things to invite people to do. I just can't remember what they were now.
Comments: 0

07/02/04 17:55:40 - My Best Friend's Wedding

So, Last weekend I went to Avram and Alissa's wedding in New Jersey.

First off, New Jersey's freeway system is totally out of control, there's like a billion and a half different freeways that all crisscross and go crazy.

The first night was neet, I went to a steak house with Avram's family and I had one of the best steaks I've ever had. We also went to a mall to buy shoes for av's sister, who forgot to bring em. We all had towels to shield us from the rain, and avram was wearing shorts, so he wore his around his waist while in the mall, so it looked like he had no pants. Everyone stared and such and we went to macy's and caused tons of trouble with the annoying New Jersey folks that never smile at anything. Then we came back to the hotel and I helped Av and Alissa come up with a dance routine or something. It was fun. Then sleep.

Breakfast was awesome, we got up super early and had to combat hordes of jewish kids who were there for some reason. We got there and they were about to close so we just took all the rest of the food and ate what we could and took the rest back to our room. We had tons of donuts, bananas, eggs, and pancakes. Then we played throw the banana in the lobby, where we'd toss two bananas back between the three of us super fast. The bananas didnt survive. Avram then took everyone to go see his house, and since I had seen it, I went to sleep.

When everyone got back, we went to dinner at this crazy restauraunt where I flirted with the waitress and asked for her number. We also all pointed at her with straws and said "RIDICKULOUS" really loud. I laughed so hard that I almost passed out. I had more steak, and it was awesome. Then we played poker till 2am. Then sleep.

Then it was the wedding day so we woke up early and started getting ready. Then I bought a camera and had the hotel lady take this picture:
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From right to left, John Leslie (not to be confused with Jon Martindill, who unfortunately couldnt attend), Star Salzman, and Louie Eisenstein.


Then we met people in the lobby and went to the wedding in a big wedding van. Then we were at the wedding place and we all stood around and hung out.
This is us hanging out with our bridal party-type dates:

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The chicks from left to right(for confusion sake) are Johanna, Julie (av's sis) and Angelina (she got 1600 on her SATs!)


Paula, the nazi photographer from hell, took like a million pictures of everyone and yelled at me like 5 times for being too hilarious. But I know she loves me. After a million hours of pictures, she was exhausted, and I made her take a picture with me.
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She DIGS me!!!!


Then Avram and Alissa danced but soon after the whole freaking bridal party had to dance too, so I didnt get any pictures of that.

Then we ate food and took more pictures. Here's one:
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What, I thought we were making funny faces! The new guy is Avram, btw.


Then we danced, danced like MANIACS!!!!! Here's me bustin a dope move with two chicks at once:
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I'm doing the Elaine dance from Seinfeld. Werd.


After all the dancing, I started singing along with the wedding singer, and he asked me to come up and sing with him, so I did:
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Sucky picture, but still hilarious.


Then they served cake and they made Avram and Alissa cut it! What terrible service.
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The cake was freaking good.

Then some more stuff happened, including me giving a hilarious Best Man Toast that I made up on the spot. Then me and Av's dad danced, because the blue shirts are the bomb.
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Nothing could top that, so people started leaving, depressed that they werent nearly as awesome as the guys in the blue shirts. Eventually everyone but the bridal party was gone:
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New guy is shaf, Angelina's boyfriend.


Then the wedding singer came up to me and asked me to be in his band, and we talked about billy crystal, and he mazel tov'd us and said bye.
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Welp, after that we went back to the hotel and said bye to av. Then I went to sleep, woke up to a morning of Wall-to-Wall sunshine, got on the plane, flew back to Austin, and took a network security exam.

I got a 91.
Comments: 0

06/22/04 04:57:11 - Good Poetry? wtf?

First was the world as one great cymbal made,
Where jarring winds to infant Nature played.
All music was a solitary sound,
To hollow rocks and murm'ring fountains bound.

Jubal first made the wilder notes agree;
And Jubal tuned music's Jubilee;
He call'd the echoes from their sullen cell,
And built the organ's city where they dwell.

Each sought a consort in that lovely place,
And virgin trebles wed the manly bass.
From whence the progeny of numbers new
Into harmonious colonies withdrew.

Some to the lute, some to the viol went,
And others chose the cornet eloquent,
These practicing the wind, and those the wire,
To sing men's triumphs, or in Heaven's choir.

Then music, the mosaic of the air,
Did of all these a solemn noise prepare;
With which she gain'd the empire of the ear,
Including all between the earth and sphere.

Victorious sounds! yet here your homage do
Unto a gentler conqueror than you;
Who though he flies the music of his praise,
Would with you Heaven's Hallelujahs raise.

-Andrew Marvell
Comments: 0

06/17/04 00:25:55 - Sure am

Comments: 4

06/16/04 05:25:38 - The Third Worst Poetry in the Universe

Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
On a lurgid bee.
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me
with crinkly binglewurdles,
Otherwise I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon
See if I don't.

-Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz
Comments: 5


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