Empathy sucks. Don't ever let someone convince you to care about their life if you're not completely sure that they care about yours.
You'll want to fix their life at the expense of your own sanity. You'll want to make their life better for no reason, other than their happiness. It's the closest to being selfless you'll ever achieve.
But that doesnt make it right. Whoever first taught that selflessness was a virtue was probably just wanting people to do stuff for him. Consider this: if he was really "selfless", why would he want to inconvenience others by making them "selfless" too?
Certain people are always on the lookout for these poor empathetic souls. They see this person wanting to help people, and they flock to that person to satisfy their NEED. But it's never love, even though it might seem like it to the poor sap who's getting used. These "selfless" individuals become swallowed up in the dreams of the other; their desires are completely drowned out by the intense needs of their partners. The "selfless" person immediately thinks, "This is love, and in love you have to make sacrifices." In fact, that BECOMES their ONLY desire... the happiness of the other person. And they can draw strength from the idea that they are righteous in their undertaking-- That is, to be exactly what the other person needs.
Problem is, needs change over time. These people dont stop needing, they just start to need something else. They really have no problem finding someone else to satisfy their need. Loyalty? Maybe... but most 'loyalty' is born from the fear that the next person to satisfy their 'need' won't put up with the ridiculous task.
I'm not just talking about romantic relationships here. This stuff traverses gender, relationship type, everything. You dont have to be romantically attractive to someone to use them.
Someone told me tonight that I should just stop caring. I should know when to be the nice guy, and know when to work for my own interests.
I agree, but that's easier said than done.
I have Chronic Caring Syndrome, and though it's probably great for the people around me, it's severely devaluing my ability to care.
I have 'caring inflation', whereby every new act of niceness I do seems less and less important. Now, I think, its just expected that I'll be the nice guy in any circumstance.
And maybe I will... but it's not because I want them to like me (It would be easy to stop caring if they didnt), it's not because altruism makes me feel like a better person(no, i realize the futility and stupidity), its because I actually DO care.
And because I care, this is what I want you to know:
If you dont give a shit, make sure you stay that way. Because it really hurts when you do.
