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Why Leonard Maltin Sucks...

A commentary for the week of September 24th, 2001.

Leonard Maltin sucks. He's a bastard who doesn't know anything about movies.

Here's the deal, life should be about enjoying things that make you happy.
You know what makes me happy? Lines like:

Kup: Don't act hostile, I'll use the universal greeting.
Hot Rod: "Universal greeting"?
Kup: Watch, I'll have them eating out of my hands. Bah weep granah weep ninni bong!
Hot Rod: "Bah weep granah weep ninni bong"?!
Sharkticons: Bah weep granah weep ninni bong!
Kup: See! The universal greeting works every time!
Of course, as all of you must recognize, that line is from Transformers: The Movie.
An amazing movie about love, hate, joy, sorrow, and as Megatron puts it:
Such heroic nonsense!
The movie features an all-star cast, from Orson Welles to Eric Idle to Dan Messick (the voice of Scooby-Doo),
but that's not the point! The point is the movie makes me happy! Its simple with clearly
defined protagonists and antagonists. It's a feel-good movie where the hero overcomes all odds.
It's not pretentiously trying to win an oscar or be overdramatic. The beauty of the movie is in its simplicity.

That being said, this is why Leonard Maltin is a bastard:

From Leonard Maltin's Movie & Video Guide:
Obnoxious animated feature about the title good guys, who defend the universe against an evil planet
(which has a voice of its own... provided by Orson Welles.) That deafening rock score certainly doesn't help.
Little more than a feature-length toy commercial.


You know what? Screw you Maltin. You stink. Im going to review you now.

From Star Salzman's Bastard & People Who Suck Guide:
Leonard Maltin:
Obnoxious critic who likes nothing that is sacred and wholesome.
Gave Gremlins 2 a better rating than Gremlins 1. Rated Transformers with Bomb, his worst rating.
Rated The Last Dragon and The Big Lebowski lower than Gremlins 2. Do not listen to this man. He is a fool.

F00king Stupid BastARd

So there you have it, irrefutable evidence that Leonard Maltin sucks. Join us next week for another nifty commentary.

Star Salzman

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