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The Existentialist Nature of the Universe and Why Green Objects Are Inherently Evil

Our Universe, (not to be confused with Jewniverse, a separate entity properly manifested and described in S. Walrus’ contemporary paper on poke-racemization), is comprised of a number of interesting, diverse, and yielding facets. These facets, aspects rather, are obliquely divisible in a non-controversial manner. This paper will begin by assessing the malapropisms inherent in almost any piecable juxtaposition. By analyzing the contentions that have irradiated throughout our society, (our of course taking on the infinitely complex and binding nature of a possessive word, yet torn in its desire to become a prepositional phrase) it is possible to arrive to a variety of distinct conclusions, several of which are unconclusive in their theoretical aspectedness. Therein lies the problem this paper will attempt to solve.

A healthy scientific background should enable even the common layman to note that what we see through our own eyes is none other than a manifestation, a gesticulation, or perhaps even a fabricational implorization of the nature of light. That is of course, particles traveling in waves of undulating motion, not unlike that, pardon the verbosity and bawdy appeal, of two rats humping in a woolen sock. A quick, jocund, and jocular turn of the biblical page will result in the illucidation of Isaiah 16:54 which clearly states, "And the Lord deemed Satan’s creed as 666" (The exact biblical reference should of course, be confirmed, though not in a manner that is inconsequential to cacophonous mannerisms and didactic imploralisms). Thus we have an astounding and almost inconceivable tie in with what many would consider, "modern science" (modern in the sense of being pre-apocalyptic in its uncertitude). Knowing that the basis of life substantiates itself from DNA, itself composed of a sugar phosphate backbone, and that sugar itself is derived from light, of which we have previously bequeathed the role of subservient vendor of existentialism and inarticulinarianism, it itself has been the desired study of numerous professionals and scientifics throughout many communities. Perhaps no other geologist/radioendocrinologist/botanist stands out as prominently and as erectly (in the most non-impotentical sense) as Dr. Andrew Leslie, an undergraduate at the University of Pennsylvania, itself a distinctly renowned research institute. Quoting Dr. Leslie, "The wavelength of light, its permeases, and its super-stratal indemnificational properties, when accounted for in the green wavelength, is none other than, in the context of nanometers, 666 of these subdivisions." Quoting W. Guinn, esq.: "We have found the cheese and are proceeding to eat." Guinn’s obvious metaphorical allusion to the enigmatic and proverbial connection between the bible and green light’s wavelength is thus the missing link needed to ratify, sanctionize, and de-scurrilize the myth, the obscene jocular defamation that has scandaled the most palpable of all associations: that is, green objects are evil, in a universe that itself is existential.

Contributed by MaGi_TekK of the associated press.

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